This is a list of Phoebe Buffay's songs in Friends. Her songs are mostly known for their odd lyrics and random themes.
Smelly Cat[]
- Smelly cat, Smelly Cat,
- What are they feeding you?
- Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
- It's not your fault!
- They won't take you to the vet,
- You're obviously not their favorite pet,
- You may not smell like roses,
- You're no friend to those with noses!
Sticky Shoes[]
This song appears in "The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner". It was co-written by Phoebe and her former singing partner, Leslie.
- My favorite shoes, so good to me,
- I wear them every day.
- Down at the heel, holes in the toes,
- Don't care what people say.
- My feet's best friend, pals to the end,
- With them I'm one hot chicky,
- Though late one night,
- Not much light,
- I stepped in something icky!
- Sticky Shoes, Sticky Shoes,
- Always make me smile
- Sticky Shoes, Sticky Shoes,
- Next time I'll...
- Avoid the...
- Pile!
Christmas Song[]
- Went to the store,
- Sat on Santa's lap,
- Asked him to bring my friends
- All kinds of crap.
- Santa, all you need is to write them a song.
- Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along,
- No, don't sing along...
- Monica, Monica,
- Have a Happy Hanukkah
- Saw Santa Claus,
- He said hello to Ross.
- And please tell Joey,
- Christmas will be snowy!!
- And Rachel and Chandler,
- (mumbles something) handler!"
Snowman / Mother Suicide Song[]
- I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin',
- How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?...
- (Advert break)
- ...my mother's ashes,
- even her eyelashes,
- are resting in a little, yellow jar.
- Sometimes when its freezing,
- I feel a little sneezy.
- And-(see below)
This song was the one being sung when David interrupted, resulting in the abrupt mid sentence ending.
Two of Them Kissed Last Night[]
- There was a girl, we'll call her Betty,
- And a guy, let's call him Neil.
- Now, I can't stress this point too strongly,
- This story isn't real.
- Now our Neil must decide
- Who will be the girl that he casts aside
- Will Betty be the one who he loves truly?
- Or will it be the one who we'll call Loolie?
- He must decide, he must decide,
- Even though I made him up, he must decide...
Brief Songs[]
The following songs were brief, either because they were not shown in full, or Phoebe wrote them short.
The First Song[]
- Love is sweet as summer showers
- Love is a wondrous work of art
- But your love, oh your love, your love...
- Is like a giant pidgeon...
- Crapping on my heart
- Lalalalalalalala
- Ooooh
Blackout Song[]
- New York City has no power
- And the milk is getting sour
- But to me it is not scary
- 'Cause I stay away from dairy
The Woman Smelt Like Garbage[]
- It wasn't just that she was fat
- The woman smelt like garbage!
Little Fetus[]
- Are you in there, little fetus?
- In nine months, will you come greet us?
- I...will...buy you some Adidas...
Little Black Curly Hair[]
- I found you in my bed!
- How'd you wind up there?
- You are a mystery!
- Little black curly hair!
- Little black curly hair!
- Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair
Shower Song[]
- I'm in the shower, and i'm writing a song,
- Stop me if you've heard it,
- My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
- And tegrin, spelt backwards, is nirget.
- (instrumental)
- Lather, rinse, repeat
- And lather, rinse, repeat
- And lather, rinse, repeat
- As needed
- La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Jingle Bitch[]
- Jingle bitch screwed me over!!
- Go to Hell Jingle whore!
- Go to Hell! (3X)
Babies[]
- They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch
- Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much
- Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why
- And you cry and you cry and you cry
- And you cry and you cry...
Parading Goats[]
- Parading goats are parading,
- Parading down the street.
- Parading goats are parading,
- Leaving little treats.
Argentina Song[]
- And there's a country called Argentina
- It's a place I've never seen
- But I'm told for fifty pesos
- You can buy a human spleeeeen
- Human spleen!
- Olé!
Crusty Old Man[]
- And the crusty old man
- Said I'll do what I can
- And the rest of the rats played Maracas!
Singing at the Wedding[]
- Whenever I get get married
- Guess who won't be asked to sing
- Somebody named Geller
- And somebody else named Bing!
Things you don't wanna do[]
- There'll be times when you get older
- when you'll want to sleep with people
- just to make them like you...
- But don't.
- Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do, everybody
- That's another thing that you don't wanna do.
Cow in the Meadow goes moo[]
- The cow in the meadow goes moo
- The cow in the meadow goes moo
- The farmer hits him on the head, and grinds him up
- And that's how we get hamburgers
- Now chickens!...
Grandma[]
- Now grandmas a person that everyone likes
- She brought you a train and a bright shinny bike
- But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner
- And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner
- Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru
- But the truth is she died and someday you will too
- Lalalala lalalala
Kidding themselves[]
- Sometimes men love women
- And sometimes men love men
- Then there are some bisexuals
- Though some just say they're kidding themselves
Colors of my bedroom[]
- And fuschia and mauve
- Those are the 66 colors of my bedroom
Stephanie[]
- Stephanie knows all the chords...
Terry's a Jerk[]
- Terry's A jerk!
- And he won't let me work!
- And I hate Central Perk!
- [A break in the song]
- And you're all invited to bite me!